Chimps are People Too

An Austrian court is going to decide whether or not chimps should be afforded the same rights as humans. We’re not talking about animal rights here, we are talking about HUMAN RIGHTS.

I was just going to post the link to this article, but as I read it I just couldn’t resist commenting so here goes.

The case centres around money given to Matthew by a well-wisher to safeguard his future after the animal home where he lived went bust. Ms Stibbe and her lawyers say he should have the same rights as a child and have a guardian to help him spend it. Ms Stibbe said: “Matthew likes watching TV and videos and playing games like any child, and can use signs and gestures to say what he wants. Of course he has the right to be recognised as an individual.”

So it seems this case was originally brought about by money. People will try anything for a buck.

The experts pointed out that chimps differ from humans by only 1 per cent of their genetic material, can accept a blood transfusion and can learn and use human languages through signs or symbols – although they lack the vocal dexterity to master speech.

I guess since they haven’t mastered speech yet Matthew will not be able to represent himself in a court of law. Of course not having mastered speech hasn’t stopped many other HUMANS from representing themselves.

Not all experts agree, however. Steve Jones, a professor of genetics at the University of London, said human rights did not apply to animals, adding: “If you start, where do you stop? Being human is unique and nothing to do with biology. Mice share 90 per cent of human DNA. Should they get 90 per cent of human rights? And plants have more DNA than humans. Chimps can’t speak, but parrots can – should they have rights too?”

We need to stop discriminating against the mice and the parrots, DAMMIT. What kind of decent society would allow this kind of discrimination to take place?

In captivity, chimpanzees can be taught human languages such as ASL (American Sign Language), learning 300 or more signs, and there are uncanny similarities in the nonverbal communication patterns of chimps and humans – examples include kissing, embracing, patting on the back, touching hands, tickling, swaggering, shaking the fist and brandishing sticks.

Kissing and embracing, that leads me to the following questions:

Will chimps have the right to an abortion? If they can learn to sign abortion, shouldn’t they be able to have one?

What about marriage? If chimps become classified as humans I believe we need to extend marriage rights to them.

If we extend marriage rights to chimps, than what about human-chimp marriage?

A man or woman should not be discriminated against if they want to marry a chimp.

There you have it, my lame attempt at humor. But how could I resist? When you see a story as ridiculous as that, don’t you have to take it with a grain of salt? The real funny part here is that this is actually going to go to court,wait a minute, maybe it’s not so funny after all.