Two Ply Toilet Paper (and America) is Destroying the Planet

 We have all heard about how we are destroying the planet because we chose to drive SUVs and Hummers, and other gas guzzling cars. We have heard that these lifestyle choices are bad for the planet. The government is looking at stricter regulations and taxes on these plane damaging choices that Americans make.

   But what if I were to tell you of another, even more environmentally unfriendly lifestyle choice that Americans make that is destroying the planet?  Wouldn’t you want to do something about it?

  You must be wondering what this new enviro-hazzard is and I am here to tell you. It is…….YOUR ASS.

  Americans like to use two ply toilet paper and this is more dangerous to the environment than driving gas guzzling cars.

The tenderness of the delicate American buttock is causing more environmental devastation than the country’s love of gas-guzzling cars, fast food or McMansions, according to green campaigners. At fault, they say, is the US public’s insistence on extra-soft, quilted and multi-ply products when they use the bathroom.

    Greenpeace is starting a new campaign to educate Americans about how excessive we are because we buy two ply bathroom tissue. The biggest problem, according to these wackos, is the fact that trees are cut down to make toilet paper.

Future generations are going to look at the way we make toilet paper as one of the greatest excesses of our age. Making toilet paper from virgin wood is a lot worse than driving Hummers in terms of global warming pollution.” Making toilet paper has a significant impact because of chemicals used in pulp manufacture and cutting down forests.

  Evidently these people forget that trees are a renewable resource. We will never run out of trees. Sorry. This article goes on to claim that this is mostly an American phenomenon.

I really do think it is overwhelmingly an American phenomenom,” said Hershkowitz. “People just don’t understand that softness equals ecological destruction

   An “overwhelmingly American phenomenon,” doesn’t that sum up the gist of the argument? This is not about the environment, s it? This is about people who are just trying to bring down the standard of living in this country.

“Softness equals ecological destruction.” Wow!

  But because I care so much about this whole global warming scam I am not just going to sit here and bitch about how absurd this is, I am going to offer a solution. Just when you think that these people can’t get any more out there along comes this.

  Reusable toilet wipes.